Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Goodbye 2008 HELLO 2009

It has been a year of many great and not so great things. As always. But this year was special for me.
This year I finally came to terms with myself - with my sexuality. And I told my family (parents, sister, brother-in-law) - pretty big steps for a girl who wouldn't admit it to herself for years. The rest of my family doesn’t know (or at least I haven't told them yet).
Like I've written before - I realized that I had never been in love with a man - only women (and girls - when I was younger). And although I have yet to experience the physical part of being with a woman - I know that it's for me. I've never really enjoyed being with a man (physically) - but it felt like that was expected. "Get a boyfriend, get married, have 2,5 kids". So I did - got a boyfriend (but not until I was 19). I even got married (at 24 - and divorced at 25. No kids though). And it turned out it was all in my head. When I came out to my parents, my dad said: "I don't care who you are dating. As long as you are happy!"
Some might say that it was about time I figured it out - but I guess I've always known that I was attracted to women. Just never admitted it.
If I have to label myself, I guess I would have to go with 'bisexual' for now. But I prefer the term 'gay'. I think it's more fluent.

I discovered "The L Word" (all 5 seasons), "Loving Annabelle" and "Imagine Me And You" among other movies/series this year.

Further more 2008 was the year I got to 'know' a whole bunch of people on YouTube, AfterEllen, Blogger/Blogspot, MySpace, Twitter, Facebook... Well on the Internet.
And I think they are part of the reason I finally came out - both to myself but also to my nearest family. Not that I thought there was anything wrong with being gay - but still. In the words of a much 'hated' singer this year: "That's not what good girls do". Guess what? They do!

And as for my resolutions this year... I actually first decided not to have any. Mainly because I tend to break them. But thinking about what I would do different next year I ended up with:

  1. Not 'play' straigt every single time a cute girl talks to me (for some really odd reason I always have to bring up 'my ex-husband'. Why do I do that?)

  2. Go for it! (I tend to be uber careful about almost everything. It's time to loosen up a bit. And jump into things.)

  3. Maybe I'll watch some Battlestar Galactica and listen to Tegan and Sara - just to see what all the fuzz is about ;o)

Who knows? 2009 might just be my year.

So all that's left to say is:

I hope you all have a Happy New Year

...And I hope you don't feel all too Photoserver.WS or Photoserver.WS .....

See you next year.

Photoserver.WS Photoserver.WS


Natazzz said...

The part about bringing up your ex-husband when you talk to cute girls made me laugh.

Stop it! Just refrain from speaking altogether's better they think you're shy than straight ;-)

Happy New Year!

Random said...

I know! But when I get nervous I tend to ramble... I'm working on it! ;o)